Sunday, April 10, 2011


What’s unsettling about the earth shifting and shaking, bopping and quaking beneath the bed that upholds the awkward arch of your back and your head's constant swivel is not at all what you think might finally just make you break down. I've learned, over time, the most terrifying truth of life, or at least my life: You can get used to anything. Even the ground, groaning. Even yourself, bored by the monotonous length of this more than minor upheaval. No, what worries me most is a certain form of cohesion. The world can contain and uplift so much pure contradiction.

A few days ago, a quake while I slept. It lasted, lingered. I awoke, wondering if I should step right outside and watch the building sway in its bend. Instead, I lay on my back; closed my eyes somewhat tight; tried not to count in my head the long length of each shift. Soon it was done, and I could sleep a bit more. Way up in the north I’m sure a score of people did shudder. Survivors. Me, I didn’t survive anything. I almost welcomed my dreams. They would probably be but benign. I felt guilty for going right back to sleep while all those poor folks in Sendai I'm sure stayed up with their fears. But I slept. You can get used to anything.

Something else: Today, on the street, coming towards me, a young woman in black, strolling, striding, smiling. Just like that. A hell of a grin. She was in a world of her own. As we all are, but when somebody smiles just like that, I wonder in what special realm do they wander. Perhaps she was thinking of whom she might meet in a moment for hot tea and a scone. Or last night’s lover’s soft touch, a small playful taunt at her tit. Or a comedian’s punchline, its sharp wit still a pinch. She seemed to be in cahoots with life.

That earthquake’s steady rumble, and that pretty stranger’s sweet smile, somehow co-exist in this life, and that separate union confounds me. One should not share space with the other. Or do they only appear in the first place as a form of crude balance? Can we even casually grin with small joy to begin with if life holds no peril?

Perhaps she, too, was awoken, like me, by that tectonic grim burp. I doubt she was smiling then. Her thoughts, a rising wave of dread. Yet a few days in the future, a kind of happiness. Persistent, even brave. So tenacious that even I, a stranger, felt the force of its joy straight across the length of the sidewalk, a kind of life all its own, fluid and real, as tactile and invasive as the boldest of tremors.


oakleyses said...

louis vuitton, louboutin pas cher, nike roshe, nike air max, oakley sunglasses, nike free, ray ban sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, prada outlet, polo outlet, oakley sunglasses, air max, prada handbags, christian louboutin shoes, ugg boots, longchamp outlet, jordan pas cher, oakley sunglasses wholesale, christian louboutin, nike free run, polo ralph lauren outlet online, michael kors pas cher, polo ralph lauren, louis vuitton outlet, tiffany jewelry, ray ban sunglasses, ugg boots, longchamp pas cher, christian louboutin uk, cheap oakley sunglasses, burberry pas cher, kate spade outlet, longchamp outlet, sac longchamp pas cher, replica watches, christian louboutin outlet, louis vuitton outlet, nike outlet, oakley sunglasses, tory burch outlet, louis vuitton, replica watches, louis vuitton outlet, gucci handbags, tiffany and co, uggs on sale, longchamp outlet, chanel handbags, nike air max

oakleyses said...

coach outlet store online, burberry handbags, sac hermes, converse pas cher, hollister pas cher, hollister uk, uggs outlet, nike roshe run uk, nike air max uk, true religion outlet, coach purses, abercrombie and fitch uk, oakley pas cher, michael kors outlet, michael kors, true religion outlet, replica handbags, mulberry uk, nike blazer pas cher, guess pas cher, michael kors outlet online, north face uk, ray ban uk, burberry outlet, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet online, hogan outlet, michael kors outlet online, nike air force, ray ban pas cher, new balance, coach outlet, true religion jeans, michael kors outlet, lululemon canada, polo lacoste, nike air max, sac vanessa bruno, nike free uk, michael kors outlet online, nike tn, michael kors, uggs outlet, kate spade, nike air max uk, timberland pas cher, ralph lauren uk, north face, true religion outlet

oakleyses said...

celine handbags, ferragamo shoes, nike trainers uk, lancel, nike huaraches, ray ban, longchamp uk, iphone cases, hollister, wedding dresses, gucci, ghd hair, vans, mac cosmetics, nike roshe run, oakley, hermes belt, baseball bats, mont blanc pens, herve leger, soccer shoes, nike air max, nfl jerseys, vans outlet, louboutin, lululemon, insanity workout, mcm handbags, jimmy choo outlet, p90x workout, beats by dre, instyler, abercrombie and fitch, valentino shoes, hollister, converse, north face outlet, asics running shoes, babyliss, converse outlet, nike air max, ralph lauren, hollister clothing, timberland boots, bottega veneta, north face outlet, new balance shoes, reebok outlet, chi flat iron, soccer jerseys

oakleyses said...

moncler, moncler uk, coach outlet, moncler outlet, louis vuitton, ugg uk, links of london, moncler outlet, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, pandora uk, louis vuitton, ugg pas cher, juicy couture outlet, hollister, louis vuitton, canada goose, pandora jewelry, moncler, ugg, louis vuitton, louis vuitton, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, supra shoes, montre pas cher, canada goose outlet, juicy couture outlet, canada goose outlet, canada goose jackets, replica watches, wedding dresses, swarovski crystal, pandora jewelry, doudoune moncler, thomas sabo, moncler, toms shoes, canada goose outlet, swarovski, canada goose, canada goose uk, pandora charms, marc jacobs, moncler, karen millen uk, canada goose