I was leaving work one day during my first few months in Japan, casually waving good-bye to my manager, probably fumbling in my wallet, looking for my train pass, when I first learned about cultural miscommunication.
I waved good-bye, see.
She waved good-bye back.
So I thought.
Only she wasn't waving good-bye. In Japan, when you do that little 'bye-bye' wave that children do, that doesn't mean see you later, alligator -- it means get your ass over here, I need to talk to you, now.
Which didn't put me in my manager's good books, me walking away and all.
Another, Cambodian example:
I noticed that two of the assignments I received from my students at the University of Cambodia (www.uc.edu.kh) were the same. Identically. Precisely. (This was before I knew that Cambodian students really, really, reaaalllllllllly like to cheat, plagairize, copy, if given the chance; I think it might be mandatory here, actually, in the Constitution and everything.)
I gathered the offenders after class. I held the papers in front of their faces to indicate the seriousness of their offence. I then proceeded to rip the assignments in half, to let them know that I would not, could not tolerate an offence of this magnitude.
At which point they smiled and then laughed.
(And I went: Hmmm. Something's not working here. I'm obviously not as intimidating as I want to be. Not exactly Morgan Freeman in Lean on Me...)
The thing is, when Cambodians get nervous, they smile and laugh and get that aw-shucks grin on their faces. That's just the way they react to events that are somewhat troubling. (Or how they react to foreigners in that situation, anyways.)
Some may accuse me of cultural stereotyping, to which I can only respond by saying that anyone thinking that must never have travelled in a foreign country. I've slowly realized that specific countries and cultures do have common physical, social characteristics. Most Japanese are shy and nervous around strangers; most Canadians are a little modest, not willing to reveal too much of themselves right away, while many Americans are boisterous and aggressive and confident and arrogant.
Notice I said 'most'. The distinction to be made, of course, is that people are people and individ-uals will always be individuals. I've met Japanese more zany than Jerry Lewis, and Americans that are modest and reticent and define the word 'wallflower'.
But you can't deny that the culture you're raised in shapes you, molds you, and conditions, to a certain extent, youre way of thinking. The only way to recognize this fact is to exit, stage right, your bubble of comfort, and see what the new land (where ever it may be) offers.
Look, foreign countries are all just bigger versions of junior high. They really are. You're not sure where you're going, the place is large and seemingly, windingly endless, and there's all these posters and banners for organizations that seem to be cool and interesting if you only could understand what they're all about, and everybody else, the veterans and the novices like yourself, seem to have a better grasp on everything than you do. That's just how it works in the beginning.
All you have to do is stay and wander around for a bit. If you do, you will begin to figure things out, or some things, anyway, and you will be witness to your own personality, thoughts, impressions; you will be an observer to your own reactions. Your old, culturally bred thoughts may not have much relevance in this strange and distant land. The cultural communication and shorthand you once relied upon for connections just doesn't work any more. You may have thought it kind of odd, if not disturbing, that in the final few seasons of Different Strokes Arnold and Willis and Kimberly (r.i.p.) suddenly had a new little red-headed stepbrother shoved into the family, probably because Gary Coleman was losing his 'cuteness' quotient, but you ain't going to find many people to argue that point with in Japan or Cambodia. (Come to think of it, maybe nobody would argue that point back home, either. I still think it's an issue worth at least discussing, if not resolving, but that's just me, maybe...)
The point is, I'm not trying to get all Socraticish or Dr.Philish here. But if you allow your mind to be opened, if you go to that new restaurant or walk down that odd street or hop on the Tuesday night red-eye to Belgium, you will find your mind and personality and self adapting to the world around you, and marvelling at the way that same world bends and sways with the force of your own intent.
