Monday, January 26, 2009

OBAMA: SO FAR TO THE LEFT IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY

While much of the world (myself included) is going ga-ga for President Obama, I think they're doing it for the wrong reasons.

Yes, he's the first African-American president in history, and yes, he's a welcome antidote to eight long years of Dubya, but everyone is intentionally overlooking the most important aspect of this extraordinary individual:

His left-handedness.

As a fellow left-handed specimen of humanity, I'm thrilled that the Oval Office continues to provide a vibrant, living example of how much us southpaws can contribute to society.

From a young age, we're made to feel like the mutants of Marvel's X-Men. Given 'special' scissors with green handles. Forced to use pencil sharpeners, gear shifts and water fountains callously designed for the right-handed majority. Having no choice but to watch as the side of our left hand smudges blue pen across each and every word we write on line after line, page after page.

And yet, the irony is, lefties have ruled the world for the past forty years.

Whoever sits in the Oval Office is, unarguably, the most powerful person on the planet.

So, let's look at the list:

Gerald Ford?

Lefty.

Ronald Reagan?

Lefty.

George H.W. Bush?

Lefty.

Bill Clinton?

Lefty.

George W.Bush?

Righty.

That speaks for itself.

Four lefty presidents (sandwiched between Jimmy Carter) and the world did just fine.

And then a righty was once again let into office, and boom! We had eight disastrous years of mayhem.

(And even if Obama had actually lost, I still think America would have been absolutely safe and secure; after all, John McCain is a lefty, too.)

With left-handed President Obama now in office, balance has been restored to the Force, and the universe is once again properly aligned, and lefties everywhere can rejoice.

Although, truth be told, I fear for the future, especially 2012.

Sarah Palin, by all accounts, is right-handed.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yo Brutha!

Love this! As a fellow lefty ( and well- your brother) I say - keep fighting the good fight for the left handers!

Ted.

Scott said...

How did two right-handed parents give birth to two left-handed sons?

Proof from the get-go that our collective mission in life must be to fight for lefties-rights everywhere...

Bugs318 said...

This is so witty and fun to read... after years of having lost that slip of paper with your blog url I am now reading it and thoroughly enjoying your words in posts (un)like this one!

Derek Maisonville