DEEP THROAT: THE THRILL IS GONE

I take it all back.

I want the mystery. The suspense. The relentless intrigue.

Long-time readers of this blog (all three of you) may remember that awhile back I stated that I wished all of life's mysteries, the ones I find mystifying, confounding, or just plain cool, solved. Either in this life or the next. I want to know, goddamnit. The pyramids, J.F.K.'s assassination, Deep Throat, Stonehenge, Richard Simmons' hair -- I wanted answers for all of them.

Well, we've got one now, at any rate.

The other day it was revealed that the former number two man at the F.B.I., Mark Felt, was, is, and shall forever be, Deep Throat -- source of much of the information that led to Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward's series of articles for The Washington Post that led, in turn, to Nixon resigning.

Deep Throat -- alive at 91.

Never thought I'd see the day.

The thing is, Woodward and Bernstein had pledged not to reveal the identity of Deep Throat until the man's death. They kept their word. It was Felt's family who gave an interview to Vanity Fair; perhaps they were motivated by money, but so what? Who can blame them?

Still.

This was one of those things that you could count on in the universe -- the fact that Deep Throat existed, was out there, alive and anonymous. There was something startlingly noble about the fact that Woodward and Bernstein knew -- they just weren't telling anyone. Somebody knew the mystery, but the rest of us didn't; there was a wonderful, almost literary symmetry to the whole thing.

And now he's here, smiling, revealing himself to one and all. Batman has taken off his mask and shown the whole world his face.

Don't get me wrong. I'm loving reading all of this stuff, including a recent article by Bernstein himself detailing how he met Felt as a young man, an article that chronicles their relationship over the years.

It's just...

The mystery's gone.

In this age, so much can be explained. We have the Internet. We have access to databases unheard of only ten years ago. We have Dr.Phil.

We need mystery, though.

It sustains us, keeps us going, and allows us access to areas inside our psyche that keep us childlike and inquisitive.

So, we know who Deep Throat is.

But let's just hold onto all those other mysteries for a little while longer, shall we?

Let's see.

That leaves us with Kennedy's assassination. And the pyramids. And Stonehenge. And Bermuda's triangle. And Amelia Earheart's disappearance. And the true identity of Shakespeare. And the ghost on the Queen Mary.

And...