HOW TO LOSE FORTY POUNDS IN FIFTEEN MONTHS (AND GAIN A LITTLE BACK)

1) Move to Cambodia.

2) Get Dengue Fever as soon as possible. (Dizziness, puking, no energy, metallic taste in your mouth, body covered in spots -- great substitute for exercise.)

3) Run one hour five days a week.

4) Sweat.

5) Gain some of the pounds back.

6) Run some more.

7) Go to Canada, and gain even more pounds back.

8) Do the opposite of the Super-Size Me movie -- cut out all pop, pizza, potato chips, choco -
late, ice cream, candy, hamburgers, french fries, hot dogs, and Coke. And Pepsi. And Sprite. And 7-Up. And...

9) Be patient. And forgiving.